Easy Pulled Pork Sandwiches with Sweet and Spicy Pickles

            Last weekend was the Big Apple Barbecue Block Party in NYC. That name is ridiculous, so I shall henceforth refer to it as BBQ Fest. BBQ Fest is one of Logan’s favorite weekends in New York (surprise!), and naturally, I was forced to go last Sunday. Logan wanted to make an appearance on both Saturday and Sunday, but I refused to do a BBQ Fest double-header based on my PTSD.

The first and only other time that I attended this great event was two years ago. Logan and I had DTR’d (defined the relationship) the week before, and we attended our first wedding together on the Saturday of BBQ Fest weekend. Being the fun-loving duo that we are, Logan and I got fabulously wedding drunk that night, and I woke up Sunday morning with one of my uglier hangovers. Imagine my horror when my brand new boyfriend bounced out of bed and said, “You have to get up. I’m taking you to BBQ Fest!”

That statement filled me with unmistakable dread. Although I didn’t know exactly what BBQ Fest entailed, the thought of braving the 95-degree heat to eat large quantities of meat in my vulnerable state made me want to die. Luckily for Logan, my desire to appear “laid-back” and “down for whatever” at this pivotal stage in our relationship outweighed the urge to spend the day eating pizza in the fetal position. So I selflessly hauled myself out of bed, put on my game face and let Logan escort me to Washington Square Park.

Honestly, I was a hot mess of a date to BBQ Fest. Logan and I were not yet roommates at the time, which meant that I didn’t have any clothes at his apartment. Since I thought I’d be slightly overdressed in my wedding attire at a barbecue festival, Logan was kind enough to lend me some “casual clothes” for the occasion. It is a testament to the severity of my hangover that I was willing to be seen in public sporting an old pair of men’s tennis shorts with a brown plaid Western shirt and a pair of Logan’s slip on shoes. According to Logan, I looked “beautiful,” which made me think he was slightly crazy, but it was enough to get me out the door. (I wasn’t yet aware of Logan's tendency to be overly complimentary when there is barbecue on the horizon.)

Arriving at BBQ Fest was like walking into my personal hell. Washington Square Park and the surrounding streets were packed with people (many of whom were men in tank tops), filled with smoke, and lined with meat as far as the eye could see. After waiting in the world’s longest line to get a plate of ribs, I felt on the verge of collapse. I was sweaty, anxious, and there were no free tables, which meant that Logan and I were forced to sit on the sidewalk. Things shouldn't have gotten any worse.

But they did. Halfway through my second Gatorade, I heard someone call my name from above. When I squinted up from my position on the concrete, I saw two dudes that I went to college with standing over me. I mustered all of my strength to stand up, feign enthusiasm at the chance meeting, and make small talk with these “friends.” After taking stock of my homeless appearance and the dude sitting next to me on the sidewalk ecstatically eating BBQ, they asked, “Soooo, what are you up to these days???” I chose to overlook their patronizing tone and informed them that I was on summer break from a very prestigious cooking school and that my fellow street urchin happened to be my wildly successful boyfriend. When they finally left, Logan helpfully informed me that I had barbecue sauce all over my face.

            The rest of BBQ Fest 2011 is a blur, but I have vague memories of Logan eating multiple pulled pork sandwiches, both of us getting pretty sick, and taking a cab the six blocks home to watch Can’t Hardly Wait on iTunes. It was a tough day. Therefore, when Logan reminded me last week that BBQ Fest was almost upon us, I was understandably nervous.

However, on Sunday morning, I gritted my teeth and returned to BBQ Fest like a champ. I was not hungover, thank God, and I was wearing my own clothes, so the day was already off to a promising start. Despite the damage that something like BBQ Fest does to The Dude Diet, Logan’s excitement was contagious, and I happily let him map out his No-Calorie Sunday without restraint. He managed to crush an impressive three full meals before 3pm (which was necessary to hit the pulled pork-ribs-sausage trifecta) in between visits to the beer garden and forcing me to pose for pictures in front of various types of meat.

Thrilled.

Overall, BBQ Fest 2013 went off without a hitch. (Logan didn’t even get the meat sweats!) I had fun, but in all honesty, I wasn’t blown away by the food. Truth: I LOVE barbecue. Not nearly as much as Logan loves barbecue, which is humanly impossible, but I definitely have a soft spot for it. I’m particularly fond of pulled pork, and since I don’t eat BBQ on the reg, I like my indulgences to be bomb. Sadly, my pulled pork last Sunday was mediocre at best. It was overly fatty, too vinegary for my taste, and I needed about a quart of extra bbq sauce to get it moist. (Sorry for using that word).  It was disappointing, to say the least.

For some reason, I couldn’t shake the craving for a good pulled pork sandwich earlier this week, so I decided to experiment with a recipe of my own. The result was everything I dreamed of and more. Allow me to introduce Easy Pulled Pork Sandwiches with Sweet and Spicy Pickles.

The pulled pork in these sandwiches is unreal. The meat is tender and juicy, and the sauce is packed with flavor from a few ingredients that you’re likely to already have in your fridge: onions, garlic, ketchup, beer, vinegar and Sriracha. Boom. That chronic combination creates a sweet and tangy barbecue sauce with a subtle kick.

Traditional pulled pork uses a fattier cut of meat like shoulder or butt, but I used tenderloin in this recipe for two reasons. First of all, pork tenderloin only requires about 40 minutes of cooking time, so you can make this pulled pork whenever a craving hits without having to invest hours of slow-cooking time. Secondly, the lean meat lightens things up significantly in terms of fat and calories, which means that you can indulge relatively guilt-free. Yes, these sandwiches are Dude Diet approved, and Logan has enthusiastically eaten three of them this week.

            Easy Pulled Pork Sandwiches are delicious on their own, but adding Sweet and Spicy Pickles to these bad boys is a revelation. I’ve never had enough patience (or mason jars) to really break into the pickling world, but I figured I could get my feet wet with these quick pickles. Thinly sliced cucumbers, red onion, and red bell peppers get soaked in brine that is slightly sweet with a hint of garlic and some serious heat. The brine takes all of 5 minutes to make, and these pickles only need an hour or two in the fridge before they’re ready to go. They’re epic on pulled pork sandwiches (or any sandwich for that matter), but they’re also great on their own as a cool summer side dish. Pulled pork and pickles have never been easier, friends. You’re welcome.                        

Easy Pulled Pork Sandwiches: (Serves 4)

Ingredients:

4 whole wheat hamburger buns

1 pound pork tenderloin, cut into 3-inch pieces

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 small yellow onion, minced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/3 cup ketchup

12 ounces beer of your choice (I recommend an IPA, but feel free to use whatever you have on hand)

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

2 tablespoon Sriracha sauce

Preparing your pulled pork:

-Slice your pork tenderloin into 3-inch pieces.

-Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a large saucepan or dutch oven over medium heat. When hot, add the minced onions and garlic. Saute for about 3 minutes until the onions become translucent.

-Add the ketchup, beer, honey, vinegar and Sriracha and bring everything to a boil, then lower to a simmer. Add the pork tenderloin pieces, cover and cook for 40 minutes.

-When cooked, remove the pork from the sauce and set aside. When cool enough to handle, shred the pork using your fingers or two forks, depending on how hands on you want to get.

-Let the sauce simmer uncovered for about 10 minutes until it is thickened. Add the shredded pork back to the sauce and cook for another 10 minutes over low heat.

-Pile pork tenderloin onto buns, top with sweet and spicy pickles (optional), and go hog wild. You’re practically a pitmaster.

Sweet and Spicy Pickles: (Serves 8-10)

Ingredients:

2 English Cucumbers, finely sliced

½ red bell pepper, finely sliced

½ red onion, finely sliced

¾ cup apple cider vinegar

¾ cup water

1 tablespoon kosher salt

3 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 teaspoon mustard seeds

1 tablespoons crushed red pepper flakes

2 cloves garlic, peeled and smashed

Preparing your sweet and spicy quick pickles:

-Finely slice the cucumbers, red bell pepper, and red onion. I recommend using a mandolin if you have one. You want these vegetables to be as thin as possible, people!

-In a small pot, combine all of the ingredients for the brine and bring them to a boil. Simmer for 5 minutes and remove from the heat.

-Place vegetables in a heat safe bowl and pour the brine over them. Cover and refrigerate until room temperature or cold (depending on your preference), which should take about 1-1½  hours. Voila! Quickest pickles ever.

*These pickles obviously get better the longer you brine them. If you have the time, refrigerate these babies overnight.

Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried Eggs

            I’ve wanted an assistant for as long as I can remember. When you ask most kids what they want to be when they grow up, they say something ridiculous like an astronaut, a fireman, or President of the United States. My answer? “I want to wear Prada and have several male assistants.” When people asked the inevitable follow-up questions regarding what I would be doing while wearing Prada and being surrounded by helpful men, I invoked one of my favorite phrases…”I will cross that bridge when I get to it.”

            In college, my friend Maisie and I used to discuss our future assistants with the loving detail that most girls reserve for their weddings or future children. What would our assistants look like? How would they dress? What skills would they need? How would they entertain us? Ultimately, we envisioned young, pleasant-looking men (not too attractive because that would be distracting) with a good sense of humor and excellent bartending skills. They would definitely be quite strong so that they could easily carry us when we got tired of walking or had one too many cocktails. We would also require them to sleep in “business pajamas” (silk pajamas that look like suits), so that they would be appropriately attired if we ever needed late night assistance.

Needless to say, my dream assistant has not yet materialized. Life as a food blogger and aspiring celebrity doesn’t necessarily leave a lot of free cash for Prada and hired help, which stresses me out. However, I recently realized that there is a very simple solution to this problem during the summer months…UNPAID INTERNS. Everyone I know seems to have interns, and I would very much like one. A free assistant? I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. Since it’s already mid-June, I figure I better nab myself an intern as quickly as possible. I’m sure all the good ones are already taken, but there’s no harm in seeing who’s left. I have drafted the following advertisement for Domesticate Me!’s future help…

Intern Position at Domesticate Me! (West Village, NYC)

Domesticate Me! Is a New York-based food blog and future international brand providing the highest quality recipes, entertaining advice, and general commentary on the interweb. It is also the home of The Dude Diet, which is rapidly decreasing nutritional idiocy among men in the United States, the UK, Canada, China, and Australia (based on very trust-worthy Blogger analytics.) The “business” is currently run personally (and exclusively) by Serena Wolf, a Le Cordon Bleu trained chef, self-taught photographer and blogger, and all-around class act.

Application Process:

In order to be considered, please send your resume and cover letter to domesticateme@gmail.com

Salary: Technically unpaid. However, you will be “compensated” in free food, cocktails, and invaluable domestic knowledge. Serena also gives occasional compliments.

Duties:

·      Taste-test all of Serena’s creations and give honest and constructive feedback.

·      Grocery shop for both everyday and obscure recipe ingredients and household items.

·      Dishwashing. Domesticate Me!’s kitchen does not have a dishwasher. You are the dishwasher.

·      Welcome guests and clients by greeting them in person or on the telephone. (Creativity in greeting-style is required.)

·      Maintain Serena’s appointment schedules, which is tricky because Serena makes and cancels appointments on a whim, and she can’t figure out how to sync her Google Calender and phone calendar. Good luck!

·      Film the goings-on at Domesticate Me! (when appropriate). Domesticate Me! is considering dabbling in the video-blogging sphere.

·      Blow-dry Serena’s hair when she is not feeling up to it.

·      Provide feedback on outfits when Serena has important meetings and auditions and the girls on her group text do not respond in a timely fashion.

·      Occasionally follow Serena’s boyfriend, Logan, to make sure that he is living up to his Dude Diet ambassador duties. This may involve physically restraining him from entering certain culinary establishments (i.e. Chipotle, Dominos, etc.). Not to worry, he has no violent tendencies!

·      Tweeting. Serena needs to tweet, but she often forgets/does not have her phone when she thinks of brilliant things to tweet. She also does not like tweeting. You will tweet for her.

Skills and Qualifications:

·      Must love food.

·      High alcohol tolerance.

·      Basic cooking and bartending skills. (Serena believes in your potential!)

·      Familiarity with all forms of social media.

·      Strong written and oral communication skills. Serena likes to be surrounded by other smart, articulate people.

·      Drive and enthusiasm with a team orientation. You and Serena will be a two-person wolfpack!

·      Strong organizational skills and highly attuned attention to detail. Serena possesses neither of these skills, so be prepared to pick up the slack.

·      Flexibility in the face of obstacles and sense of humor. There will be many obstacles, including but not limited to: getting Serena out of bed in the morning, fitting two people in the Domesticate Me! kitchen, and Serena’s tendency to melt things to the stove. Humor helps.

·      Well-dressed. No one who thinks that wearing jeans and running shoes is acceptable need apply.

Please share this advertisement with anyone you think may be interested in the internship. I would like to warn applicants that the interview for the position will involve cooking a simple recipe to test the applicant’s domestic skills and ability to follow directions. This recipe will be one of my personal favorites, Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried Eggs, which I would love for someone to bring me in bed every morning. (Relax, this won’t actually be part of the job requirements.)

Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried eggs is heaven on a plate. The hash is quick and easy, and it’s bursting with flavor. The cumin makes everything taste slightly smoky and cayenne gives it that necessary kick. And obviously, hash is made all the more delicious once it gets soaked in yolk from perfectly fried eggs. It’s a hearty meal that’s also packed with health benefits. It’s low-fat, high protein, and 100% Dude Diet approved. And you know I’m a sucker for anything with sweet potatoes because they are delicious, and their high quantities of vitamin C and beta carotene make you prettier. The recipe makes two servings, so applicants will be encouraged to enjoy the fruits of their labor with me while I judge their cooking and social interaction skills.

Even if you’re not interested in being my intern, I would still like you to make this Sweet Potato Hash as soon as possible. The best part about this hash is its versatility. It’s simple enough for an anytime meal during the week, but fancy enough to serve guests at your next classy brunch. You can also play with the ingredients and tailor it to your tastes. Feel free to swap the chicken sausage for a different meat of your choice, or add whatever leftover vegetables you have hanging out in your fridge. If you’re into spicy, I recommend dousing everything in a healthy amount of Sriracha. You can’t go wrong with this one, people.

Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried Eggs: (Serves 2)

Ingredients:

4 oz chicken breakfast sausage (3 small links), chopped

2 tablespoons olive oil, divided

1 large sweet potato, peeled and finely chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

1/3 cup red bell pepper, finely chopped

1/3 cup green bell pepper, finely chopped

½ small yellow onion, finely chopped

½ teaspoon cumin

pinch of cayenne pepper

salt to taste

4 large eggs (2 per serving)

For garnish: (optional)

½ avocado, chopped

2 teaspoons chopped cilantro

Preparing your sweet potato hash:

-Start by prepping your vegetables and sweet potatoes. When it comes to chopping your sweet potato, I recommend peeling the potato and then slicing it into ¼ inch rounds. Next chop the rounds into approximately ¼ inch cubes. Don’t stress, they don’t need to be perfect.

-Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a large skillet or pan. When hot, add the sausage and sauté for about five minutes until lightly browned.

-Add your chopped sweet potatoes to the sausage along with another tablespoon of olive oil and the cumin. Arrange the sweet potatoes in an even layer and let cook for about five minutes. This will get them nicely browned on the underside. 

-After five minutes, turn the potatoes. Continue cooking the sweet potatoes, turning every few minutes until they are very tender. This can take up to 20 minutes, so feel free to have a cocktail or a cup of coffee.

-When your sweet potatoes are tender, add the garlic, onions, bell peppers, and continue to cook for about five minutes until the onions become translucent. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper and salt to taste. Keep the hash warm while you fry your eggs.

-Heat a non-stick pan over medium-low heat. If you have a really good non-stick pan, you won’t need any butter or oil (booyah!). If your pan tends to stick, spray it with cooking spray or heat a tablespoon of butter or oil in the pan. When the pan is hot add the eggs. Cook until the whites are just set, but the yolks are still runny.

-Serve hash topped with fried eggs and garnish with chopped avocado and cilantro. Dig in and bliss out. 

The Dude Diet: Sandwich Fix

Dude loves sandwiches.

            I am relieved to report that things have been pretty solid for The Dude Diet since Memorial Day. Logan has been working from home for the past few weeks, so I have had the great pleasure of closely monitoring his food intake. With the exception of a few minor slip-ups involving a recent barbeque and a dining out disaster, the Dude has been limiting himself to mostly beach body-friendly fare. However, he is currently on his way to the Mountain Jam Music Festival, so I can only imagine the debauchery that will be taking place on all fronts in the next 24 hours.

            After spending so much time observing Logan’s midday eating habits recently, I have become increasingly aware of the threat that sandwiches pose to The Dude Diet. If left to his own devices, Logan would crush “a dank sando” for lunch every single day, which is a truly terrifying thought. The meat-heavy monstrosities that Logan favors weigh multiple pounds and usually require a Zantac followed by a post-sando nap. And yes, Logan has given himself the meat sweats from a sandwich before, which is unforgivable.

I feel obligated to tell you that delis are Logan’s happy place. If I weren’t so scared of his giant sandwiches, I would regularly accompany him to delis just to bask in the sheer joy that he radiates in such close proximity to all that meat and cheese. It’s quite entertaining to watch Logan approach the counter, make his absurd sandwich request, and then giddily anticipate his “deli delight.” He also tends to compliment other patrons on their sandwich creations, which is both sweet and awkward.

I distinctly remember the day that I realized the full extent of Logan’s sandwich fetish. It was just over a year ago when the Dude insisted on taking me to Wawa after a day at Six Flags in New Jersey. (We are clearly an incredibly sophisticated and classy couple.) If you are not familiar with Wawa, it is a gas station convenience store that, according to Logan, makes the “most epic hoagies in the world.” Wawa’s deli counter has multiple computer screens in front of it, which normal people use to place their sandwich orders. However, Logan refused to use these computers because he didn’t trust the machines “not to eff up his sando.” Instead, he insisted that the unsuspecting 17-year old behind the counter take his order personally to ensure “hoagie perfection.” 

Logan micro-managed the making of that hoagie down to the placement of the last pickle, all while peppering his sandwich-maker with compliments and encouragement such as, “Oh yeah, dude, hook that shit up!” and “Nice work, man. That looks good!” Logan and sandwich kid were so close by the end of this hoagie-building experience that I thought they might hug and/or exchange numbers. That sandwich must have weighed in at close to 5 pounds. I’m pretty sure it contained every possible type of meat, cheese and “add-on” available, and Logan had to take multiple “breathing breaks” while eating it. We then had to stop for Zantac on the way home.

I guarantee Logan has never ordered a "Shorti."

            I’m well aware that Logan isn’t the only guy with a soft spot for sandwiches. In fact, sandwiches are often a staple of most dude’s diets. Trust me, I get it. Sandwiches are delicious, convenient, and you can get one pretty much anywhere. They also involve bread, meat and cheese, which is pretty much the holy trinity of dude foods. However, many dudes suffer from severe nutritional confusion when it comes to sandwiches. I blame Subway.

I have heard several men argue that sandwiches are healthy because “that dude Jared got so fuckin’ svelte eating Subway,” or because “Michael Phelps crushes foot-longs all day, and he’s in dope shape.” You’re right, dudes, but I’d like to make a few points here. First, Jared ate only Subway sandwiches, and they did not contain mayo or any of the other fattening additions most of you enjoy. Therefore, I do not recommend this diet. It is both impractical and potentially damaging to your social life. As far as Michael Phelps’ five dollar foot-long habit goes, I am perfectly willing to discuss adding multiple Italian subs to your daily meal plan when you start working out 8 hours a day. Until then, just say no.

Causing all sorts of sandwich confusion.

Obviously, I’m not going to tell you to stop eating sandwiches. In fact, sandwiches can actually be quite healthy. Whole grain bread with lean meat, vegetables, a single serving of cheese, and some light condiments is a balanced meal that will keep your body fueled, satisfied, and in wonderland shape. Sadly, I can’t say the same for a meatball sub. For your convenience, I have outlined some basic guidelines for creating Dude Diet-friendly sandos below.

Dude Diet Sandwich Guidelines:

1.     Bread: Your average foot-long sub roll is basically an entire loaf of bread, which is shameful. Your sandwich should never be longer than 8-inches in length. Always go whole grain if possible and please limit yourself to two slices of bread. (I know this sounds obvious, but most of you can’t be trusted). Do not get your sandwich as a “wrap” and convince yourself that it is good for you. Most wraps are just oversized flour tortillas that have more calories than actual bread. Get it together, dudes.

2.     Meat: Stick with lean, low-sodium meats. Try roast chicken, low-sodium turkey or ham, and lean roast beef. Cured meats such as prosciutto, salami, and capicola have sky-high sodium contents and will bloat you faster than you can say “Italian sub.” Capiche?

3.     Cheese: Your sandwich does not need more than two slices of cheese. No exceptions.

4.     “Add-ons”: Feel free to get weird with the veggies. Lettuce, tomato, onions, peppers, pickles, etc. The more the merrier. They taste good, fill you up, and adding them to your sando is an easy way to sneak in a couple servings of vegetables without bumming you out.

5.     Condiments: Mayo, aioli of any kind, and heavy salad dressings are the enemy. They tack on hundreds of extra calories and inches to your waistline. Use them sparingly. Do not, under any circumstances, dip your sandwich in extra containers of ranch, blue cheese, or Italian dressing. That is disgusting.

In the hopes of getting Logan to embrace the Dude Diet sandwich guidelines, I created a lighter version of an Italian sub, which is one of his favorite sandos. This Turkey Italian Sub is a Dude Diet game-changer. It’s big, hearty, and packed with so much flavor that you won’t even care that it doesn’t contain four different kinds of meat.

Let’s break this sandwich down for educational purposes, dudes. First, I hollowed out the whole grain sub roll, which saves you on the carb front and let’s the fillings shine. Then I drizzled some homemade, heart-healthy Italian dressing on both halves of the roll. Next, there’s a good amount of low-sodium smoked turkey and a slice of provolone, which is just enough to satisfy your need for cheese. You’ve also got almost two servings of fresh veggies. Lettuce, tomato, red onion, and green peppers add freshness, flavor, and a healthy dose of nutrients into the mix. Finally, I threw in some banana peppers for heat and a few pickles for a salty crunch.

For an even lighter take on this dude-pleasing recipe you could make these subs on low-carb vegetable tortillas, or lose the bread all together and add some extra lettuce to make an “Italian sub salad.” I recognize the latter option may be wishful thinking on my part, but I just wanted to put the idea out into the dude-iverse.

            Turkey Italian Subs are an ideal everyday lunch as well as a great choice for a casual get-together. Make a few extra large subs, slice them into 3-inch pieces and let guests serve themselves. You should also take these subs on all of your picnics this summer. Just bring the dressing in a small plastic container and then add it to the sandwiches when you’re ready to eat to keep them from getting soggy in your cooler/beach bag/backpack. Turkey Italian Subs aren’t just for lunch, though. They make a great simple dinner, especially if you throw the turkey and provolone half of the sando under the broiler for a minute to melt the cheese.

            The Dude was quite enamored with his Turkey Italian Sub yesterday. He was skeptical that I would be able to pull off an Italian sub without all the “clutch man meats” (gross), but he changed his tune after taking the first bite of this chronic sando. I believe his exact words were, “HOT DAMN, WOMAN!” He then happily posed for his sandwich photo shoot while grunting appreciatively and talking about how I spoil him. The Dude’s effusive compliments made it much easier to forgive his multiple requests for barbecue chips. Small victories.

Turkey Italian Subs: (Serves 2)

Ingredients:

2 whole grain sub rolls (approx 8-inches each)

½ lb low-sodium smoked turkey, very thinly sliced

2 (1 oz) slices provolone

1 cup chopped iceberg lettuce

1 beefsteak tomato, sliced

½ small red onion, thinly sliced

½ green bell pepper, thinly sliced (seeds removed)

¼ cup sliced pickles

¼ cup chopped banana peppers or pepperoncini

For the Italian dressing:

2 cloves garlic, minced

2½ tablespoons red wine vinegar

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon dried oregano

¼ teaspoon salt

fresh ground pepper to taste

Preparing your Turkey Italian Subs:

-In a small bowl, whisk together all of the ingredients for the dressing. Set aside while you prepare your subs. This will give the flavors time to combine.

-Slice the sub rolls in half and hollow out the insides. (If you are concerned about wasting the fluffy bread innards, you can save them and use them to make whole grain breadcrumbs later, okay?)

-Drizzle both halves of each sub with your Italian dressing.

*You can add the sandwich fillings however you like, but my way is obviously the best:

-Place the turkey in one half of each sub roll and top with one slice of provolone that has been cut in half. Arrange pickles and chopped banana peppers/pepperoncini in an even layer on top of the provolone. Fill the other half of each sub roll with lettuce. Top with tomato, red onion, and sliced bell peppers. 

-Carefully sandwich the two halves of each sub together. Slice and serve. Enjoy crushing your slimming sub, dudes. 

Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing

Last Saturday I went to a Ke$ha concert. Sunday was rough. On Monday I made Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing because I don’t actually want to “die young”….

            Let’s back up a little bit. If you aren’t familiar with Ke$ha, you clearly live under a rock. She is a very talented pop singer/sometimes rapper who, based on her lyrics, enjoys partying, sex, and drinking alcohol. She also favors “glitter on her eyes, stockings ripped all up the sides,” and looking, “sick and sexy-fied,” so she’s obviously a very classy lady.

Ke$ha may not be a particularly groundbreaking “artist,” but what she lacks in musical profundity, she makes up for in catchy beats and sequins. Every single one of her songs makes you want to get weird and dance. Therefore, when a friend offered me a ticket to her Jones Beach concert this past weekend, I happily accepted. I’ve been in a funk recently, and I figured a night of dancing in glitter would probably help me snap out of it.

I was right. First of all, the mode of transportation was clutch. Who doesn’t love a stretch pink hummer? Especially when it's filled with 12 face-painted friendly freaks, glitter bombs, and infinity magnums of Pinot Grigio (our host, Dave, has very specific pre-gaming tastes). The ride to Jones Beach was one of the most festive half hours of my life.

The Ke$ha tailgate taking place in the Jones Beach parking lot was truly a sight to behold. Unfortunately, my group did not get the memo that cut-offs with a sequined bikini top was the required uniform for the evening, but then again, we were the only ones with face paint and a pink stretch hummer. As I always say, you win some, you lose some.

For the record, Jones Beach does not allow alcoholic refreshments inside the concert venue. That is why you should always travel with a friend who wears a full blown one piece bathing suit underneath her “concert overalls” to act as a mini bottle mule. (Thanks, Ellen!) Then you are free to (discretely) mix your own cocktails during the show. I imagine Ke$ha would be very much on board with this dedication to partying with her.

I can honestly say that Ke$ha gave a truly kickass performance. Between the smoke, confetti, and abundance of dancing cross-dressers, I couldn’t have asked for a fancier way to spend my Saturday evening. Also, Ke$ha looks like she’s lost some weight. Girlfriend is dirty, but she’s definitely been keeping it tight, which is inspiring. Almost as inspiring as her closing statement to the crowd, “I LIKE BALLS!” Like I said, she’s a classy lady.

Our group danced our little hearts out and piled back into the "pink dragon" to return to the city, high on life and Pinot Grigio. I then snuck into my apartment and ate two bags of Pop Chips and several Kraft Singles in my bathroom because I was starving and I didn’t want to wake Logan up. I’m an excellent roommate.

Needless to say, Sunday wasn't the prettiest. My sheets were covered in glitter, and despite my best efforts, I couldn’t get the last bits of neon orange face paint off of my right eye. This was slightly problematic since Logan and I went to see an apartment that afternoon, and I didn’t look like an overly responsible human being. Said apartment viewing was followed by an afternoon of sangria and a particularly offensive Domino’s order, so I woke up Monday morning feeling bloated and in need of nutrients. Immediately. This is where the Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing comes in.

This salad was a revelation. As you can see, it’s light, bright and fresher than fresh. The combination of plump, juicy grapefruit, creamy avocado, and slightly nutty edamame is practically mind-blowing. I love the buttery texture of a perfectly seared Ahi tuna steak on top of those epic flavors, and the citrus ginger dressing really rounds everything out. It’s tangy with just the right amount of sweetness, and the ginger gives it a nice kick.

On the nutrition front, this salad is a winner, since it’s packed with vitamin C, fiber, healthy fat, and lean protein. Also, according to the many fitness and beauty publications that I subscribe to, grapefruit does wonders for you skin, and edamame is some sort of superfood for energy and weightloss. Long story short, this salad will make you feel good and look prettier. You’re welcome.

If you’re intimidated by the seared tuna element of this salad, don’t be. Searing tuna is one of the easiest things I’ve asked you to do on this blog. You literally season the fish with salt and pepper, heat some oil in a pan, and then cook the tuna for one minute on each side. The entire process takes 3 minutes total. You can do this.

Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing can be thrown together in 20 minutes (I swear), which makes it the perfect easy summer meal. It’s well-suited to a quick weeknight dinner or a take to work lunch. I also suggest serving this at your next casual dinner party, as it very pretty, can be prepared in advance, and the tuna looks fancy fanned out on top of the colorful salad. If you are strongly anti-fish (ugh), this salad also taste great naked or topped with grilled chicken or steak. Crank the Ke$ha and get after it, friends. 

Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing: (Serves 4)

Ingredients:

1 pound Ahi tuna steak

1 tablespoon sesame oil

salt

fresh ground pepper

4 oz mesclun or baby lettuces

¾ cup shelled edamame

1 cup shaved carrots (I just used my vegetable peeler)

½ small red onion, thinly sliced

1 grapefruit, peeled and segmented

1 avocado, sliced

For the dressing:

1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger

1 clove garlic, minced

2 tablespoons orange juice

1 tablespoon lime juice

1 tablespoon low-sodium soy sauce

1 teaspoon sesame oil

1 teaspoon honey

Preparing your Seared Ahi Tuna Salad with Citrus Ginger Dressing:

-Start by preparing your dressing. In a small bowl, whisk together all of the ingredients for the dressing and let stand for at least ten minutes for the flavors to really combine.

-Next, get to work on the salad. The only slightly tricky prep work is segmenting the grapefruit, but I have faith in you. Use a large sharp knife to peel the grapefruits, making sure to remove all the white pith. Next, carefully cut between the membranes of the grapefruit to remove the segments. Relax, the segments don’t need to be perfect. If the Segments are very large, feel free to cut them in half.

-Place mesclun in a large salad bowl and add the edamame, carrots, red onion, grapefruit, and avocado. (Always slice the avocado last so that it doesn’t brown.) Set aside while you sear your tuna.

*If you are using 1 large tuna steak, I recommend cutting it into two smaller steaks. It just makes things easier.

-Season both sides of the tuna with a generous amount of salt and fresh ground pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon sesame oil in a large pan over medium-high heat. When hot add the tuna steaks and sear for 1 minute on each side. It should have a nice crust but be rare in the middle. (If you like your tuna more cooked, cook it longer. Duh.)

-Drizzle the dressing over the salad and gently toss to coat. 

-Divide the salad among 4 plates. Slice the tuna on an angle and fan it out on top of each salad. Take a bow.